When having an exercise on IELTS writing section, it is better to have a feedback in terms of grammar, arrangement of ideas, vocabulary range and everything. This will help you make some improvements and gets maximum result in the real test. There are so many sources from which you can look for feedback. If you are currently taking an IELTS course, you must have great deal of feedback from your trainer. But for those who do self-study, it may be a good idea to do some blog walking and read some writings of other writer. In fact, you can find so many examples of good writing on the internet.
Here is an example of an original writing and a feedback given. Take a look at this Pie charts
Author’s note: I used to have a graphic illustration for this writing. But it turns out that neither using such image nor providing a url directing to it is considered as fair use, and I really want to make this blog as legal as possible, and to avoid having problems with copyright infringement. Please use the keyword of each first sentence of my writing to find the illustration from the website of the legal copyright holder.
The diagram illustrates the proportion of water usage for various aim over the world in six different regions.
According to the research’s result, the majority, the majority of water used in Africa, South America, and two areas in Asia which consist of developing countries, is for agriculture. In contrast, in developed countries’ areas such as North America and Europe, industrial use dominates the proportion.
Farming in Africa, South America, Central Asia, and South East Asia is dominating the percentage of water used by 84%, 71%, 88%, and 81% accordingly. Industrial purpose of water usage come to last in those 4 areas.
However, most of the water distribution in Europe and North America goes to industrial area, each 53% and 48%. The least percentage of water usage goes to domestic use by 15% and 13% accordingly.
Now, can you locate some parts of the writing that needs improvement?
Can you give any necessary feedback for betterment of the writing?
Take sometime to understand the writing and data and we will discuss the material further on the next post.